Nosedive Potter and the SpinOff Story
by Retroactive Definition
Summary: Two fandoms collide and our ducks are stuck in the middle, acting out 'Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone' as a stunt, thanks to Phil...but of course, they add their unique quirks! Mal/Wing, Tanya/Duke.


A/N: THE REAL MIGHTY DUCKS ROCK! WHOOO! They beat the Red Wings in triple overtime, did you hear? Yesss! Down with All-Star team and up with the Ducks! Anyway, this has been bouncing around in my head for a while, and tonight I tyoed it up. Hope you enjoy the first installment!   
  
Nosedive groaned as he heard someone banging hard on the door of his cupboard that also was a room. He moaned and shoved it open. "WILDWING, YOU BASTARD!" he yelled.   
His brother's voice came back with, "What? For all my young life, WHO was the one whining 'Mommy, no fair!' and 'Mommy, you love Wingy more!' I DESERVE A TURN!"   
"It's gone to his head," Dive said, tumbling out of the small cupboard and landing hard on his stomach. He walked down the hall to the kitchen, wondering what exactly he'd find...  
"HOLY-!" he screamed. In the kitchen were no other than Phil and Lucretia Decoy! Even though he'd been warned, it was still a shock to see them as a couple.   
Lucretia sighed. "Nosedive! No yelling, damnit!"  
"Holy..." mumbled Dive again.   
"No way, no way! NOW you tell me the stocks have fallen...YOU TOLD ME TO INVEST MY ENTIRE FORTUNE IN THOSE THINGS AND THEY FALL 97%? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" screamed Phil into the cell phone.  
"Bye-bye, sanity," said Dive, as he slid into the empty seat next to Wildwing, grabbing a piece of toast.   
"Why do you say that?" asked Wing.  
"Wait a sec. You're being too nice to me. What've you been drinking?" said Dive.  
Wildwing pushed Nosedive off the chair and went back to shuffling his Yu-Gi-Oh card deck.  
"You're really mean, and immature, you know that?" said Dive.  
Wing responded with a right hook.  
"OW!" whined Dive pitifully, and stared at his toast silently. Wildwing knelt down and hissed, "Remember, you're just a charity case. If your mom and dad hadn't been such dumbasses and gotten killed, you wouldn't be bugging me at all!"  
"Look who's bugging who!" Nosedive couldn't help the retort, and was rewarded by a kick to the ribs. Wing leaned down again. "Baby bro, you OK?" he whispered.  
"Sure. Once my side stops bleeding and beak stops aching, I'll be just fine," Nosedive said sarcastically.   
"I'm sorry. I really am. Just playing the role, you know." He helped Dive back into the chair.  
"So is this thing gonna be all like this, with us trying to act out the basic story while including random bits of nonsense from our regular lives and confusing the heck out of whichever poor soul reads this thing?"  
"Close enough. Anyway, Dive, you're lucky. You're Harry and in almost every scene, so you don't have to multi-role-play."  
"What's that?"   
"Oh, you'll see. You are REALLY lucky. You don't have to pretend Phil and Lucretia are your PARENTS-"  
"But I DO have to pretend you're my cousin, which is worse!" quipped the young duck, getting a noogie from Wing.  
"Watch it, you," smiled the big brother/cousin.  
"Anyway, got to proceed with the story," said Wing.  
"Just wait and I'll kick their asses in wand dueling," laughed Dive.   
"What did you say?" threatened Lucretia.  
"Uh, ah, nothing at all," smiled Nosedive, wolfing down the toast and running for the cupboard when he remembered something. He stuck his head in the door and announced, "It's my birthday! July 31!"   
"Good for you!" said Wing, sounding sincere, much unlike what his role called for.   
"A sad reminder we haven't finished you off yet," mumbled Lucretia.  
Nosedive widened his eyes and turned to Phil. "Hey, uh...Uncle Phil, it's my birthday!"  
"CURSE MY STOCKS!!!!!"  
"Why do I even bother?" groaned the blonde.  
Dive walked to his room, but was distracted by something flitting down the fireplace. He caught it and looked. It was an envelope. In green ink were the words, 'To a Mr. Nosedive Potter...Anaheim, California...' Sounds like me," he shrugged, and ripped it open.  
"'Dear Nosedive,'" he read aloud.  
"'Why don't you have a normal name...' Charming start! Anyway...'I am a representative of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy in England, which I know you live nowhere near by, but thanks to the Almighty Powers of fanfiction, you may now travel there as if you did live there...' What? That's confusing... 'You better not pass this up cause we shall come for you. Oh how we shall come! Signed, The Still and Forever Unnamed Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardy Representative Dude, However We Do Not Know If It Is A He Or She, Since They Are Unnamed, So There Is No Point To Calling them Dude For They May Be A Dudette...' There's more words in the signature than the letter!" said Nosedive, suddenly seeing the P.S. however. "'P.S. You will get another letter later.'"  
Nosedive blinked and went back to his broom cupboard. He needed to sleep, seeing how this felt a bit like some freeeeaky dream. And because of the fact that he had eaten the rare treat of Triple-Spicy Tacos at dinner last night and still felt a little woozy.   
  
Time went unbelievably fast since he had something to look forward to, and before Nosedive knew it, it was the next day. He went to get some food, but found Lucretia and Phil in the living room. As soon as he walked in...a letter came through the fireplace.   
"What's that?" glared Lucretia.   
"Oh nothing," Nosedive said as nonchantly as he could.  
"If it's nothing, let me see..." she whispered.  
Dive made a break for it, but she grabbed him by the back of his T-Shirt and snatched the letter. She read it and was shocked. "Nosedive, you may NOT go to Hogwarts!"   
"WHAT? WHY! It's my only friggin' chance to get out of this god forsaken place!" he yelled.  
Lucretia narrowed her eyes. "I WON'T allow you, and as long as you're seventeen, we control you! We're moving, so they won't know where to get you!" she exclaimed.  
"That's a little drastic, huh? Can't we-"  
Lucretia yanked Nosedive and yelled, "EVERYBODY COME HERE!"  
When they had all gathered, she led the family to the car, growling all the way about stupid people and witchcraft and about all the bull the world was coming to.   
  
They wound up in a drippy little shack along the seashore. It was the only place with a vacancy they could find at midnight; they had been driving the whole day without stopping, and a thunderstorm was starting.   
"This sucks seriously," lamented Nosedive.  
Wildwing was in a sleeping bag next to him. "We REALLY need to kick Phil's butt someday."   
"Or at least TP his house."  
"You're special, Nosedive."  
"I feel so alone."  
"You're a wizard."   
"A one and only!"  
"You're a boy phenomenom."  
"Sa-weetness!"  
Wildwing smiled at Nosedive. No matter how out of character the elder one was acting, he loved his little brother to death and would do anything for him. Suddenly, Dive got up. "Going to the bathroom," said the younger.   
Nosedive looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror. Shoulder-length surfer blond hair. Big blue-green eyes. Healthy orange beak, with the patch on top. He put his hair back in a loose ponytail so he could sleep easier, and let his bangs dangle. They obscured the lightning-bolt scar he had. Then he went and laid down next to Wildwing again.   
He nearly fell asleep when there was a loud BANG!  
"That wasn't thunder..." he whispered, shaking a bit.  
"It's OK, Dive" mumbled Wing sleepily.   
"Boy, you make a terrible Dudley," said Nosedive.  
Lucretia and Phil had woken up with the noise as well.   
"What did you do?" hissed Lucretia.   
"Nothing! It wasn't-" Nosedive was cut off with another shack-shaking bang.  
"Burglar!" Phil gulped, ducking under the ratty sofa.   
"No YOU DON'T!" Lucretia exclaimed, yanking her 'husband' back up and hiding behind him.   
One last BANG busted the door open. A flash of lightning silhouetted a massive figure, at least seven feet tall, covered in muscles and filling the entire doorway.   
"Mind over matter," rumbled a familiar voice.  
"Yo! Grin, man! So YOU'RE playing Hagrid! About time!"  
Grin ducked under the doorway.  
"I shall take Nosedive."  
"Oh no you won't!" howled Lucretia, but was held back by Phil. "Let him go, honey," he said. "It's best."  
Lucretia screamed. "I'M NOT YOUR HONEY! YOU'RE AS BAD AS NOSEDIVE AND WHATSHISNAME, THE EYEPATCH GUY!"   
"Duke," supplied Wildwing, Nosedive, and Grin together.  
"WHATEVER! NOSEDIVE, YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE!"   
"He shall go," said Grin, "and I wouldn't want to persuade you with other techniques."  
"Is that a threat?" said Lucretia.  
"Knock her head off!" cheered Dive.  
"No. She is not worth the effort." Grin started leading Dive out the door when Phil asked, "How'd you get through the storm?"   
"I am one with nature," responded Grin.  
"And you have some nice wheels!" smiled Nosedive, seeing the Aerowing all ready to go. With one last thought he yelled, "BYE WING! SEE YOU AT PRACTICE!"   
His brother yelled back, "YOU BETTER BE THERE!"   
But his voice gave away the fact that it had been said with a smile, and Nosedive and Grin disappeared into the night. 


End file.
